It's Wednesday. Mid week. Hump Day.
Today was harder than ever to drop Zoey off at school. Day 4. I hugged her at the door and didn't go in. She looked back three times before walking around the corner... away. Away into a classroom full of other kids. Normal kids, I'm sure. Kids and a surely sweet teacher. Also to the boy who sits right next to her and has been put on "yellow" every single day. All three days prior of school. He talks and makes noises all through class. Zoey told John that he pulled on her braid in line. He's just a typical kid. A typical boy - raised by douche bags, I'm sure. It's not the kid's fault that he is a jerk... nope, it's the parents fault. And the "system" too. What ornery little boy needs to be kept quiet and sit still for SEVEN hours a day, five days a week?!?
As we were walking to school this morning, before we had gotten very far past our driveway, Zoey said she didn't want to go to school. This is the second morning of that statement.... sure, I expect to hear that from teens, but my sweet little five year old that likes her teacher?! She likes to play on the playground and liked to see the music teacher play the keyboard.
But she said to me... why does it take so long? Why can't we work and do this and work and do that and then come home? Not work, work, work, WORK?!
I really didn't know what to say. She shouldn't have to WORK WORK WORK all day at five years old. She should have to WORK some and play some and run around a lot! In a SEVEN hour day, she gets two 15 minute recesses and one 30 minute lunch. One hour to not have to be "on" in school. And even in that time, a kid still has to think about where things are, how things work, who everybody is around her.... whether or not she's going to get in trouble for some other kid's actions! This is ridiculous!!
AND to top it all off.... I see on instagram. (Yes, I finally went back online to look at pictures.) I see pictures of her little friends from preschool having a grand ole time at a birthday party LAST NIGHT!! These are kids that surely would have invited Zoey... and they did. via FACEBOOK! WHAT?! I'm not on facebook anymore. I haven't looked at that blasted crap for THREE months! But I ran to pull it up this morning. There is was... a photo of a printed invitation. Posted on my wall five days ago. Within those past five days, I have seen one of the moms hosting walking her kid to school two times! No word - barely a hello. (Which was understandable at the time because we were all emotional or running late or whatever... but still not even a mention?!) I learned after Zoey's birthday that no one RSVPs anymore. So, me not responding to the "invitation" isn't unheard of... Which is totally awful, in my opinion. TELL people what's going on! RESPOND, people! Why no follow up call or text if you really don't want to have to talk to me? What happened to real invitations? Is it the expense? I get that. Why spend money on cards? Spend that on the party. I get it, but seriously... Five days notice online - when for Zoey's birthday the same Moms told me they "don't do facebook that much" when asked why I hadn't heard from them (and yes, I DID send real paper snail mail invitations too!)
Now in the grand scheme of things... WHO CARES!?! Well, I DO! I care that my kid will hear and see all of her friends talking about a party she didn't "get" to go to. A party for girls that she LOVES. Girls that she walks hand-in-hand with from school.
I cried. I cried more thinking about that than her words this morning about school. Although I suppose it all goes together in my mind. ...
Only getting to see my little girl for four hours a day (plus one in the morning). Five hours total of her awake. a. day. and when she comes home from school - she's happy to see me, yes, but exhausted. And then we have to work in dinner, homework, a bath, and try to find some time to play. She MISSES playing. really.
John had a plan to have a pony pizza party last night. We ordered pizza and sat on the floor while playing with her my little ponies. She needed it. We all did. Just time to do what she used to do for hours everyday.
When we looked into homeschooling in the spring, the major thing that jumped out to me was the fact a homeschooled child only needs six hours of actual educational time per week.... SIX hours! That's less than ONE day of public school.... You know why? Because if a child is being taught at home there are less distractions. Less time teaching to the lowest common denominator! Less time "training" kids how to "fit in."
"Socialization" my ASS! My beautiful girl is well spoken. She interacts well with other kids! She knows how to play. Why do I need to throw her to the wolves of public education in order for me to be a "good" mom or for her to be a "normal" kid?! This is BULLSHIT!
But, truthfully, I'm scared. Scared that I can't do it. That I will screw her up. Scared that I won't have time for myself and therefore be on edge or mean with her. But at what expense? At WHO's expense?
There has got to be a better way.
1 hour ago